From The Attic
All rules of practical design were ignored to bring you this exhibit of crazy devices.
Warning: I am just an artist who likes to think up crazy stuff, not an engineer or designer. Many of the items on this page could very well be dangerous if actually built and used. I can not be responsible for accidents, and do not encourage anyone to actually build or use these contraptions. All that aside, please enjoy your visit.
This device allows you to use a sundial even when the sun isn’t shining. The accurate clock motor keeps lamp in rotation around the dial just like the sun. Correct orientation is accomplished by free-turning design of the lamp bracket rotor. This unique timepiece blends ancient world charm with antiquated nineteenth century technology. Uses regular household current and voltage. Weight=800 lbs.
- dial platform
- lamp bracket rotor
For those on the go, this special scaled-down wrist model is just the ticket. Based on the same principle as its larger cousin, this version is much lighter and runs on a small computer battery hidden under the dial surface.
*Idea for “wrist model” sent in by Brent Weingard of New York. Thank you Brent!
FRUIT CAKE POWERED CHRISTMAS TREE
This easy to use device lets you make a simple battery from a traditional holiday fruitcake.
First, soak the cake in lemon juice. Then insert the anode (b) and cathode (c) into fruitcake (d). The lemon juice and natural fruit acids contained in the cake do the rest.
Special low voltage, direct current Christmas lights (a) are designed to be fully compatible with the power output of a typical fruitcake.
DOUBLE TIN HORN
This special head attachment allows for hands-free double tin horn usage. Superior to hand held models, this passive audio device provides wider signal reception as well as directional variability. Unit is completely self-powered and wax resistant. Not recommended for children or adults. Should not be worn in buildings with low ceilings. May attract lightening and/or unwanted verbal abuse.
This simple, yet effective, device prevents “wedging” of undergarments. It is effective for all types of “wedging”, from natural “ride-up” to sudden bully-induced trauma wedging.
Fully adjustable and machine washable, wedge-proof underwear lets you stroll confidently, even when there are large groups of dim-witted, attention seeking bullies lurking about.
- heavy duty reinforced waistband
- high tension socks
- adjustable straps
POLITICAL HOT AIR COLLECTOR
Political windbags have always been allowed to spew their hot air directly into the atmosphere. Now, once wasted energy can be put to use. When placed above a podium or built into the ceiling of a broadcast studio, this special hood can be used to direct the hot gases into a building’s heating ducts helping to warm the building. Entire city blocks can be heated depending on who is behind the microphone! Works equally well for Liberals and Conservatives. Larger forum models are available.
- heating duct connection
- collector hood
- hot gases rise to collector hood
- heat resistant microphone
- podium or broadcast console
We all know someone who talks a little more than their share. The act of talking can expend a lot of energy. Now, harness this energy with the YAK-A-Tron 2000. The cushioned chin stirrup is designed to transfer jaw movement to the generator above. The resulting current flows to the storage cell mounted behind the generator. Energy stored is directly proportional to the amount of jaw movement produced by person wearing the device. Once it’s charged up, the storage cell can be used to power lights and other appliances.
- storage cell
- chin stirrup
Mosquito bite scratcher
Declared “unsafe” and banned by the Safety Council for having dangerous exposed moving parts, the “Scratch Master” never made it to production. Its original design, shown here, enabled a person to scratch hard-to-reach areas of the body. Users would risk injury by backing up to the device, positioning the irritated area for best relief.
Though dangerous and cumbersome, there are those who claim it to have been “The best darn scratcher ever”.
*Idea for a mosquito bite scratcher sent by Rachel Mckenna. Thank you very much, Rachel! Your idea is appreciated.
Take control with the power of hypnosis!
Ever get passed up at work for a long overdue raise? Next time don’t beg and complain…just put on a pair of “Hypno-Glasses” and have the boss look into your eyes. You’ll get what you deserve, and then some. With a little practice, Hypno-Glasses can change your life.
Small battery operated motors concealed in the temple pieces rotate the special hypnotic spiral disks. CAUTION–Do not look into a mirror while using Hypno-Glasses!
ANTI-SMOKING COWBOY HAT
Certain tobacco companies have spent millions in advertising over the years to get cowboys and other high-testosterone individuals to take up a dangerous habit. The “Anti-Smoking Cowboy Hat” helps to reverse the effects of such advertising by making it
virtually impossible to smoke while wearing it.
Concealed inside the hat is a small pressurized container of a dense, non-toxic foam such as shaving cream. This container is connected by plastic tube to a spray nozzle located under the hat’s brim. A combination heat sensor/smoke detector is also located under the brim. If heat or smoke is detected, an electrical signal is sent to a solenoid which discharges the pressurized cylinder.
The hat works in two ways: first, by physically extinguishing the smoking material, and second, by providing a rather unique form of negative reinforcement.
This contraption started as a joke drawn on a restroom wall by a draftsman working for the Mega Corporation.
While checking the restroom for “slackers” one day, the company’s president, Wilfred Fatbucks, became convinced such a device could become the “next craze”. To “beat the competition” he demanded immediate production.
In spite of protests from his staff and engineers, 10,000 Surf-N-Surfs were manufactured, tested and sunk. The Mega Corporation went bankrupt soon after.
Think of how great it would be if you could just flick a switch and your house would become invisible. Now you can! Avoid solicitors, confuse unwanted guests, and never paint your house again. Be the first on your block to have an invisible house.
The principle is simple:
A matrix of large flat screen televisions, or monitors, covers the front of the house. Each flat screen monitor is connected to a video camera. Each camera is mounted on the rear interior wall of the house, facing outward through a small opening. This forms the “video array” ( Refer to fig. 1a ).
Signals from the “video array” are sent to the flat screen monitors. An image of the backyard is thus displayed on the monitors, making the house invisible to anyone viewing it from the front (refer to fig. 1b).
Fine tuning is the key to good invisibility. Each monitor must have accurate color balance and synchronization. As well, each camera must be color balanced, synchronized, and aimed correctly.
People who live in invisible houses should not throw stones!